Friday, January 21, 2005
The Pitch
Jerry and George, waiting to pitch their idea for a comedy to NBC.
JERRY: (To himself) Salsa, seltzer. Hey, excuse me, you got any salsa? No, not selzer, salsa. (George doesn't react) What's the matter?
GEORGE: (Nervous) Nothing.
JERRY: You sure? You look a little pale.
GEORGE: No, I'm fine. I'm good. I'm very good.
JERRY: What, are you nervous?
GEORGE: No, not nervous. I'm good, very good. (A beat, then he snaps) I can't do this! Can't do this!
JERRY: What?
GEORGE: I can't do this! I can't do it. I have tried. I'm here. It's impossible.
JERRY: This was your idea!
GEORGE: What idea? I just said something. I didn't know you were going to listen to me.
JERRY: Dont' worry about it. They're just TV executives.
GEORGE: They're men with jobs, Jerry! They wear suits and ties. They're married, they have secretaries.
JERRY: I told you not to come.
GEORGE: I need some water. I gotta get some water.
JERRY: They'll give us water in there.
GEORGE: Really? That's pretty good.
RECEPTIONIST: They're ready for you.
GEORGE: Okay, okay. Look, you do all the talking, okay?
JERRY: Relax. Who are they?
GEORGE: Yeah, they're not better than me.
JERRY: Course not.
GEORGE: Who are they?
JERRY: They're nobody.
GEORGE: What about me?
JERRY: What about you?
GEORGE: Why them? Why not me?
JERRY: Why not you?
GEORGE: I'm as good as them.
JERRY: Better.
GEORGE: You really think so?
JERRY: No.
At the coffee shop, after George has blown the whole deal at NBC....
JERRY: I don't even want to talk about it anymore. What were you thinking? What was going on in your mind? Artistic integrity? Where, where did you come up with that? You're not artistic and you have no integrity. You know you really need some help. A regular psychiatrist couldn't even help you. You need to go to like Vienna or something. You know what I mean? You need to get involved at the University level. Like where Freud studied and have all those people looking at you and checking up on you. That's the kind of help you need. Not the once a week for eighty bucks. No. You need a team. A team of psychiatrists working round the clock thinking about you, having conferences, observing you, like the way they did with the Elephant Man. That's what I'm talking about because that's the only way you're going to get better.
GEORGE: . . . I thought the woman was kind of cute.
JERRY: Hold it. I really want to be clear about this. Are you talking about the woman in the meeting? Is that the woman you're talking about?
GEORGE: Yeah, I thought I might give her a call. I, I don't meet that many women. I meet like three women a year. I mean, we've been introduced. She knows my name.
JERRY: IT'S COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE!
GEORGE: Why? Maybe she liked me. I, I mean she was looking right at me. You know, I think she was impressed. You know, we had good eye contact the whole meeting.
Courtesy of Seinfeld Scripts.
JERRY: (To himself) Salsa, seltzer. Hey, excuse me, you got any salsa? No, not selzer, salsa. (George doesn't react) What's the matter?
GEORGE: (Nervous) Nothing.
JERRY: You sure? You look a little pale.
GEORGE: No, I'm fine. I'm good. I'm very good.
JERRY: What, are you nervous?
GEORGE: No, not nervous. I'm good, very good. (A beat, then he snaps) I can't do this! Can't do this!
JERRY: What?
GEORGE: I can't do this! I can't do it. I have tried. I'm here. It's impossible.
JERRY: This was your idea!
GEORGE: What idea? I just said something. I didn't know you were going to listen to me.
JERRY: Dont' worry about it. They're just TV executives.
GEORGE: They're men with jobs, Jerry! They wear suits and ties. They're married, they have secretaries.
JERRY: I told you not to come.
GEORGE: I need some water. I gotta get some water.
JERRY: They'll give us water in there.
GEORGE: Really? That's pretty good.
RECEPTIONIST: They're ready for you.
GEORGE: Okay, okay. Look, you do all the talking, okay?
JERRY: Relax. Who are they?
GEORGE: Yeah, they're not better than me.
JERRY: Course not.
GEORGE: Who are they?
JERRY: They're nobody.
GEORGE: What about me?
JERRY: What about you?
GEORGE: Why them? Why not me?
JERRY: Why not you?
GEORGE: I'm as good as them.
JERRY: Better.
GEORGE: You really think so?
JERRY: No.
At the coffee shop, after George has blown the whole deal at NBC....
JERRY: I don't even want to talk about it anymore. What were you thinking? What was going on in your mind? Artistic integrity? Where, where did you come up with that? You're not artistic and you have no integrity. You know you really need some help. A regular psychiatrist couldn't even help you. You need to go to like Vienna or something. You know what I mean? You need to get involved at the University level. Like where Freud studied and have all those people looking at you and checking up on you. That's the kind of help you need. Not the once a week for eighty bucks. No. You need a team. A team of psychiatrists working round the clock thinking about you, having conferences, observing you, like the way they did with the Elephant Man. That's what I'm talking about because that's the only way you're going to get better.
GEORGE: . . . I thought the woman was kind of cute.
JERRY: Hold it. I really want to be clear about this. Are you talking about the woman in the meeting? Is that the woman you're talking about?
GEORGE: Yeah, I thought I might give her a call. I, I don't meet that many women. I meet like three women a year. I mean, we've been introduced. She knows my name.
JERRY: IT'S COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE!
GEORGE: Why? Maybe she liked me. I, I mean she was looking right at me. You know, I think she was impressed. You know, we had good eye contact the whole meeting.
Courtesy of Seinfeld Scripts.
# posted by mds : 7:20 PM
